I have to admit, I'm rather impressed by your sentences including the word ductility. I had actually just meant that I wanted you to paste the word in there somewhere but I enjoyed my miscommunication much more.
I realized I have four cards left and I hate having leftover postcards after a vacation (what are you supposed to do with them, you know?). So I either contacted everyone for their addresses or I already have it (not creepy). I just need yours, Sub Radar Mike! Because it's always fun getting mail from strangers. It's just how my parents raised me. Duff, Joann and JoAnn were the other lucky weiners!
Today we are off to Tombstone! Which apparently means touring an old brothel. Don't worry, I'll bring hand sanitizer.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
But it's a dry heat!
We are currently in Phoenix, AZ. It's been really nice and fun even when my bangs were sticking to my forehead like a toddler at Frank Lloyd Wright's winter home. Amy and Earl were wonderful enough to let us stay at their place for a couple nights but now we're at a hotel where we can poop with the door open just like old times at home. I'm typing this on a small iPod screen which is driving me a little batty so I'm going to cut to the chase. I have three extra postcards for my followers since I bought a preset amount that I had come up with before I left my postcard list at home and since I can't remember everyone on it I'm just going to send some to followers instead because I already bought the stamps.
To be eligible please put the word ductility in your comment.
To be eligible please put the word ductility in your comment.
Monday, September 12, 2011
I'm blue, if I were green I would die, if I were green I would die
With summer vacation finished here in Oregon, I was reminiscing about how I would get all anxious before school started each year. Primarily, middle school. I would be all excited because I would have new clothes and get to see my friends again, but middle school is a dog eat dog world.
I was also a little strange which never helped matters. Let's take a look.
1.) In middle school I saw a picture of Vanilla Ice, which should have been my first sign because Vanilla Ice hadn't been popular in ages, but I loved the little cuts he had in his eyebrows. I'm already getting embarrassed.
Oh, the shame. I cut two little spaces in my eyebrows. This directly led to my discovery of eyebrow pencils, since I couldn't handle making up terrible lies to my friends about why I had cut my eyebrows, because - shocker - none of them thought it was cool.
2.) One night I put this little clear round thing over a zit I had on my forehead. I can't remember what it was called, but you put it on a zit and when you removed it the next morning it was supposed to look better. All I know is the next day, mid morning, my friend said, "What is THAT?" and I was filled with self-loathing as I peeled it off my face in front of my friends in the hallway.
2.5) I was home-schooled for about a year and a half in elementary school, and I'm trying to remember if I got as excited before a school year. I don't remember much about being home-schooled except I once got constipated, and after drinking a bunch of prune juice I still had to work on schoolwork. Thanks, Mom.
Oh, and just for fun, here's a picture of me shortly after I learned how to pluck my eyebrows:
FUN FACT, this was taken in 8th grade and has the year 2000 written on the back of it, which is the year Jesse graduated from high school. He used to say, "I wish we could have met when we were younger, in high school." To which I have said, "You would have been that creepy senior dating an 8th grader."
One more obnoxious comment, I have frogs on my shirt as well as on that hemp necklace I made. I'm sure all of you remember I also wore a hemp necklace I made in my 6th grade picture that I have posted here. Crafty like ice is cold.
I tried to look up things that were popular in the year 2000 but I couldn't find a good list and I didn't try that hard. However, Blue (Da ba dee) was a top 40 hit and Creed still had some songs up there. Thank goodness that madness is over and now we have Kesha and people who put Lil in from of their name, which I do not understand. This is really for my friend Brittney, do you remember listening to this song about 700 times at the skating rink in middle school? Good times, GHETTO SUPERSTAR TIMES.
P.S. Don't you hate it when people post a youtube video and you have to click the link to see it so you know you'll never watch it?
Peace out,
Lil K
I was also a little strange which never helped matters. Let's take a look.
1.) In middle school I saw a picture of Vanilla Ice, which should have been my first sign because Vanilla Ice hadn't been popular in ages, but I loved the little cuts he had in his eyebrows. I'm already getting embarrassed.
Oh, the shame. I cut two little spaces in my eyebrows. This directly led to my discovery of eyebrow pencils, since I couldn't handle making up terrible lies to my friends about why I had cut my eyebrows, because - shocker - none of them thought it was cool.
2.) One night I put this little clear round thing over a zit I had on my forehead. I can't remember what it was called, but you put it on a zit and when you removed it the next morning it was supposed to look better. All I know is the next day, mid morning, my friend said, "What is THAT?" and I was filled with self-loathing as I peeled it off my face in front of my friends in the hallway.
2.5) I was home-schooled for about a year and a half in elementary school, and I'm trying to remember if I got as excited before a school year. I don't remember much about being home-schooled except I once got constipated, and after drinking a bunch of prune juice I still had to work on schoolwork. Thanks, Mom.
Oh, and just for fun, here's a picture of me shortly after I learned how to pluck my eyebrows:
FUN FACT, this was taken in 8th grade and has the year 2000 written on the back of it, which is the year Jesse graduated from high school. He used to say, "I wish we could have met when we were younger, in high school." To which I have said, "You would have been that creepy senior dating an 8th grader."
One more obnoxious comment, I have frogs on my shirt as well as on that hemp necklace I made. I'm sure all of you remember I also wore a hemp necklace I made in my 6th grade picture that I have posted here. Crafty like ice is cold.
I tried to look up things that were popular in the year 2000 but I couldn't find a good list and I didn't try that hard. However, Blue (Da ba dee) was a top 40 hit and Creed still had some songs up there. Thank goodness that madness is over and now we have Kesha and people who put Lil in from of their name, which I do not understand. This is really for my friend Brittney, do you remember listening to this song about 700 times at the skating rink in middle school? Good times, GHETTO SUPERSTAR TIMES.
P.S. Don't you hate it when people post a youtube video and you have to click the link to see it so you know you'll never watch it?
Peace out,
Lil K
Thursday, August 25, 2011
When the receptionist met the janitor.
Four years ago today I was scrambling to write a few lines of vows on
the way to my wedding. I remember there was something in there about how I felt
like I could be myself around Jesse, my then fiance.
I also remember finding out on our honeymoon that the reason so many people were honking at us in our decked out car was because someone wrote "Honk if you're straight" on the back of it. Surprisingly? There are a lot of straight people out on the road.
After less than a week of dating Jesse I called my sister up and told her I was going to marry this guy that I hadn't even said I love you to yet, and her... well. Thinking I was insane.
Jesse and I met when I was 18 through a mutual friend at church. If you would have told us we would get married I would have laughed in your face and I'm pretty sure Jesse would have disappeared. So, we knew who each other were, and after time both of us attended different churches and over a year passed without us seeing each other.
Three and a half months before our wedding, Jesse was playing with his friends in a band at a coffee shop, and my friend Jenna and I decided to meet up there. As stated, it had been over a year since I had seen Jesse and he nearly accosted me when I got there and wanted to hang out with me so bad. I didn't really understand since I figured he thought I was obnoxious (which was true, but who could stay away from this?) (apparently a lot of people). It would be another week or so of hanging out amongst friends before Jesse tricked me into getting "ice cream for everyone" which meant "let's get ice cream and then park the car for two hours and talk". And, indeed, that is where we had The Talk.
The Talk was stopped abruptly when a policeman came up to the window and asked how we were doing. He said that two girls had gotten off their shift at Subway something like 45 minutes prior but saw Jesse's creepy truck with the camper on it across the parking lot and were afraid to leave so they called the cops. Katie and Jesse, harassing Subway employees since 2007.
And what splendid harassment it has been. I have never doubted for a moment our decision to get married. Wait. There was that time I found chunky (and decidedly NOT creamy) peanut butter in the pantry. Turned out I was the one who accidentally bought it, and I was resolute once again that Jesse and I were a perfect match.
So, toots, thanks for killing spiders for me and telling me I'm pretty and that you're sure no one noticed the booger hanging out of my nose the entire time I was out. Here's to another four years of going "No, YOU'RE cuter!" and making my parents gag.
I also remember finding out on our honeymoon that the reason so many people were honking at us in our decked out car was because someone wrote "Honk if you're straight" on the back of it. Surprisingly? There are a lot of straight people out on the road.
After less than a week of dating Jesse I called my sister up and told her I was going to marry this guy that I hadn't even said I love you to yet, and her... well. Thinking I was insane.
Jesse and I met when I was 18 through a mutual friend at church. If you would have told us we would get married I would have laughed in your face and I'm pretty sure Jesse would have disappeared. So, we knew who each other were, and after time both of us attended different churches and over a year passed without us seeing each other.
Three and a half months before our wedding, Jesse was playing with his friends in a band at a coffee shop, and my friend Jenna and I decided to meet up there. As stated, it had been over a year since I had seen Jesse and he nearly accosted me when I got there and wanted to hang out with me so bad. I didn't really understand since I figured he thought I was obnoxious (which was true, but who could stay away from this?) (apparently a lot of people). It would be another week or so of hanging out amongst friends before Jesse tricked me into getting "ice cream for everyone" which meant "let's get ice cream and then park the car for two hours and talk". And, indeed, that is where we had The Talk.
The Talk was stopped abruptly when a policeman came up to the window and asked how we were doing. He said that two girls had gotten off their shift at Subway something like 45 minutes prior but saw Jesse's creepy truck with the camper on it across the parking lot and were afraid to leave so they called the cops. Katie and Jesse, harassing Subway employees since 2007.
And what splendid harassment it has been. I have never doubted for a moment our decision to get married. Wait. There was that time I found chunky (and decidedly NOT creamy) peanut butter in the pantry. Turned out I was the one who accidentally bought it, and I was resolute once again that Jesse and I were a perfect match.
So, toots, thanks for killing spiders for me and telling me I'm pretty and that you're sure no one noticed the booger hanging out of my nose the entire time I was out. Here's to another four years of going "No, YOU'RE cuter!" and making my parents gag.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Why is there yogurt in this hat?
Let's go back to the time when I had raccoons living under my mobile home as a teenager.
I was about 17, still driving Ford Escort #1, and I was leaving my sister Christy's house late one night after what I am sure was a riveting evening of playing Crash Bandicoot. Immediately after getting into my car, I smelled something rancid. There were some kids playing outside and since my windows had been rolled down I wondered if maybe they had thrown something dead into my car to mess with me. I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me freak out (spoiler alert, they did not put anything in my car), so I stopped around the corner, and pulled the driver's seat forward. And then, AND THEN, I remembered.
Weeks earlier I had purchased a bottle of chocolate milk and didn't finish all of it. I threw it behind the driver's seat. Before long... well. Time makes fools of us all.
Apparently the mystical chocolate milk gasses had built up and blown the cap from the top of the bottle. There was this thick, horrifying brown sludge-like mess on my back window and it had covered the floor of the driver's side back seat.
Here's where the story kind of fizzles out, with me gagging while scraping out the mire that once was chocolate milk, meanwhile trying to avoid the giant raccoon that lived under my neighbor's house.
So here's a video that my dad, Mark, made. Oh calm down, it's only 33 seconds.
I was about 17, still driving Ford Escort #1, and I was leaving my sister Christy's house late one night after what I am sure was a riveting evening of playing Crash Bandicoot. Immediately after getting into my car, I smelled something rancid. There were some kids playing outside and since my windows had been rolled down I wondered if maybe they had thrown something dead into my car to mess with me. I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me freak out (spoiler alert, they did not put anything in my car), so I stopped around the corner, and pulled the driver's seat forward. And then, AND THEN, I remembered.
Weeks earlier I had purchased a bottle of chocolate milk and didn't finish all of it. I threw it behind the driver's seat. Before long... well. Time makes fools of us all.
Apparently the mystical chocolate milk gasses had built up and blown the cap from the top of the bottle. There was this thick, horrifying brown sludge-like mess on my back window and it had covered the floor of the driver's side back seat.
Here's where the story kind of fizzles out, with me gagging while scraping out the mire that once was chocolate milk, meanwhile trying to avoid the giant raccoon that lived under my neighbor's house.
So here's a video that my dad, Mark, made. Oh calm down, it's only 33 seconds.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)