Monday, November 8, 2010

Hot or Not? Dot com.

Let me preface this story with saying yes, I think I am better than you if you don't have a more impressive wisdom tooth extraction story.  I can't help it.  It is a major flaw in the human race.  But I'm not the only one.  Here, let me insert a video, and if you don't want the video, I have included the dialogue in text form for your viewing pleasure.  If you don't care for either (why are you here), then skip down until you hear think *tink*, then you may turn the page.

"I made the mistake of trying to tell a story about having only two wisdom teeth pulled.  And I learned a lesson. Don't ever try to tell a two-wisdom-tooth story, because you ain't goin' nowhere. The four-wisdom teeth people are gonna parachute in and cut you off at the pass. "Halt! Halt with your two wisdom tooth tale!" You will never complete one - trust me. I was trying to tell my story ...

"You know, I had some wisdom teeth pulled ... I had two--"
"I had four pulled."

Oh, ok.

...No, five. No, nine! I had nine wisdom teeth pulled! All of mine were impacted, they were all coming in upside down, the roots wrapped around my tongue, coming out my nose ... there were tusks! I was a warthog! No anesthesia, they pulled them out with pliers, I was eating corn-on-the-cob that afternoon.

Pin the blue ribbon upon his chest. That knocks the socks off of my wisdom tooth tale."


 *tink*  You may now turn the page.

My face swelled up when I had my FOUR wisdom teeth pulled.  And because of that flaw I mentioned in the human race, yes, I got dry socket in two of my teeth because I kept throw-throw-throwing up after taking Vicodin, thereby pushing out two of my bloodclots.  I know you're thrilled to read this.

Speaking of that dry socket, the night that was the worst I took a bunch of pain meds and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning watching infomercials, and crying.  Imagine me, perched on the side of my bed, tears streaming down my face for what had been hours at that point, watching an infomercial on mineral makeup, reveling in how amazing the results were.  I needed that mineral makeup.  Sob.  Needed.  Needless to say I didn't get the makeup and I had to take a suppository to stop being nauseous.

Anyway, there are two pictures from my wisdom teeth extraction, one I call the "girl" picture:

And one I call the "boy" picture:

Now I want to state, for the record, I was not allowed to put photos of myself online while I was in high school.  And for the most part, I complied.  Until this photo was taken.

There is a website called where you upload a photo of yourself and people rate how hot you are.  And I just checked to make sure it still exists, and it appears that yes, people are still wanting low self esteem by putting pictures of themselves online for people to rate how hot they are.  It's redonk.

So anyway, I decided to go against my mother's wishes, and I put the boy photo of myself online as a dude.

Aaaaallll that to say:

The ladies think I'm a 7.


  1. Ha! I had totally forgotten hotornot. Geez, that seems like a million years ago...

    You're totally hotter than a 7. Although, you can kind of tell you're a girl, given the way your shirt stretches. *Ahem* Not that I was looking or anything......

    So, wisdom teeth. I only had three. The fourth never grew in. However, my cheeks swelled mightily and I had gorgeous yellow-green bruises on my jaw line that looked stellar when we picked up our German exchange student from the airport three days later and then went to Disney World. Sweet.

    Do you have yarn on your lap in that picture?

  2. You're a nut! My sister and I both had our wisdom teeth out in hospital (4 each) and I made her go first in case the surgeon stuffed up. She is 14 months younger than me. I then went second and woke up from the anesthetic first. The next weekend I attended a wedding with my boyfriend with slightly bruised and puffy cheeks. Good look.

  3. I walked on the moon with you! I had my FOUR wisdom teeth pulled at the same time I had a tooth implant put in to replace a molar that had died. Now a tooth implant is basically a cadaver bone implanted under your gum to support the gum structure. Then they build a tooth around the cadaver bone. But first the cadaver bone is left in the mouth without the buildup for a period of about 6 months to ensure there is no rejection.

    Well, guess what? I had a dry socket AND the cadaver rejected all at the same time. On the second night of pain, I called my dentist's office at 2 AM and left a message, telling him that I just wanted him to understand the kind of pain I was in. I then went into excruciating delirious detail about my pain. He said he made the whole staff listen to my message in the morning, it was that good. He called me immediately and had me come in. His best advice, ride the pain of rejection out and hope that the implant settles down. Otherwise we'd have to start the process over. He gave me harder drugs and I rode that pain pony out of town. It worked, but I NEVER want to experience that kind of pain again and I've been through natural childbirth. It didn't compare.

    And I love Brian Regan.

  4. mmmmm, you said bloodclots.

    Go warthogs! For some reason, I can visualize one eating corn on the cob. Funny, that.

  5. I think you're hotter than a 7. I love the story! Too funny.

  6. I love, love, love this post. Seriously I couldn't stop laughing.

    Also, Joann wins.

  7. Joann wins. Cadaver bones? Yucky!

  8. Hey, this is my blog! Joann can win on her blog! I feel I am sorely lacking support here.

  9. That is awesome, katie. I remember your horror story of dry socket made me pretty nervous when I got my teeth pulled. Luckily when I got mine pulled it was easy peasy. The only negative was me drooling like a dog.

  10. Nobody beats your story Katie. Obviously you are the winner. You went in to have some teeth pulled and CAME OUT A MAN!! And it was all done without even removing your pants!

    No rejected Frankenstein's monster jaw can take the place of that.

  11. I did notice the well used stainless steel bowl in one of the pictures.

  12. Katie, you win hands down because you make even the most sucky things funny.
    I hate the "me monsters." I know WAY too many of them. Oh man, that cracked Ken and me up.

  13. I love the boy pic :) think it's cute even though you just had your teeth extracted.

  14. I do not even know. I had only one wisdom tooth. One. I am a loser.

  15. I just went and looked at your Crafster page, something I hadn't done before and now I know the "Suprise" yarn has arrived in good hands and will be used! LOL Enjoy!

  16. Taps laptop screen expectantly and awaits next post.

  17. hilarious!
    i had all 4 wisdom teeth taken out when i was 25ish....they were all impacted. it was awful. the only reason i kept the Vicodin down is b/c my mom spoon fed me yogurt & applesauce first. plus i had nausea meds to go with it. still, i got dry socket too. it was just horrible. so glad it's long done/over!!!

  18. fantastic photos, thank you for sharing. lol

  19. Can we get a December post, or is previously-blogged holiday busyness getting the best of you?


Hey there, player! Since this is an old blog, I get a lot of spam comments, hence the word verification (which I HATE). If you're a real person, know that I still read everything written here :)