Thursday, July 14, 2011

Faster than a speeding dog, more powerful than a high kick to the face, it's...

I got some new photos of myself taken recently.  I thought I would share them with you.

Ugh, I look fat, don't I?  I hung these up by my mirror as motivation to not let myself look like that ever again.

Summer has arrived in Portland!  The sun is shining, the tank is clean--THE TANK IS CLEAN.  I actually came to tell you a story of my childhood.

When I was a kid I thought that since I was able to run as fast as my dog, Auggie, that I was as fast as Superman.  There is that scene in the first Superman movie where he is running next to a train, right?  And we watched that movie a couple years ago when we were snowed in during Christmas and those movies are terrible.


Except if Jesse is reading this, then oh honey.  I love those movies so much, kind of.

Anyway, I thought that OF COURSE my overweight cocker spaniel was just as fast as Superman, because everyone knows dogs have super speed.  And since I could run as fast as Auggie, logically, I was as fast as Superman.

Then again, I was also the kid who peed in a heater vent.


He looks sad there, doesn't he?  I know it's hard carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, Superdog.  Don't let it get you down.

I also thought that I could do a majorly awesome high kick, and attempted so in the kitchen when I was 8.  I leaned so far over during my "kick" that I kneed myself square in the nose and sneezed for half an hour.  One second I thought I was doing a ballin' high kick.  The next I realized I'd kneed myself in the face, and either I was really glad that no one saw it take place or my poor mind has blocked out if anyone else was there.


  1. That's a pretty funny post honey. It made laugh out loud twice. Until the sad news about the superman movies. One day I might forgive you or just ruin a movie you love like thirteen going on thirty spelling out how jennifer garner is really the antagonist.

  2. Aw! Auggie Doggie! Such a cute little sad face. (This is coming from a girl who's dog seems perpetually sad...)

    And no, you don't look fat. But you do look oddly short... perhaps it was the photographer's angle?

  3. you are RIDICULOUS!!! you hung those photos by your mirror as motivation!!

    also, i, too, have kneed myself in the face and landed flat on my back on the floor, attempting a high kick. because i'm graceful.

    and i love the superman reference. it's so funny the reference points we have as kids. i love hearing other people's, and if i weren't tired, i'd think of something from my OWN childhood. sorry to disappoint. :)

  4. I once ran full speed into what I thought was an open sliding glass door. The screen was closed. I was 17. I still blush when I think about this. I am ever so grateful it wasn't the glass, though.

    Also, Superman? Yeah, bad. Sorry. I mean iconic?? Hell yes! But the acting, directing, scrip....all bad. Sorry Jesse.

  5. P.S. The pictures don't make you look fat at all. It's whatever belt type contraption you have around your waist that seems to be cutting you in half. Stop that. Throw that away and never speak of these atrocities again. Kthx.

  6. blogger hates me and wants me to die.

    i tried to comment. blogger ate it. i'm aggravated. also, i CANNOT get this dumb kesha or ke#ha or whatever the heck her name is song out of my head, which is also aggravating. bullet points:

    1. i want to marry you. i think it'll work out.
    2. you're funny.
    3. you don't look fat. you look super.
    4. i can almost always recognize lines from finding nemo. i was going to say i know that movie by heart, but apparently i don't because i couldn't come up with a decent line from it that you didn't already use.
    5. your logic is impeccable.
    6. your doggie is the sweetest.
    7. i had a cocker spaniel for all of maybe six weeks when i was about seven. i named her muttley. she ran away. whenever i cried because my mom pulled my hair too hard when brushing it, i blamed it on muttley running away. this was until i was about 11 and figured out how to do my own ponytail.
    8. your high kick is awesomely high to kick your own face. i don't think i could get such height in my kicks. i'm incredibly jealous.
    9. oh yeah, i forgot about superman. the movies are pretty ridiculous. but he's superman, so i can forgive him.

  7. Shoot, you should join the Rockettes with a kick like that!

  8. You know when you sneeze you lose a lot of brain cells. Or should I say you loose a lot of brain cells.

  9. um so are those your teeth? also your dog is hilarious. almost as hilarious as you kicking yourself in the face.

  10. You have very nice teeth. I'm glad you didn't knock them out with your awesome high kick.

    I broke my own nose once because I was limber like that. I am so NOT tempted to see if I still am.

  11. I am freely admitting I watch that movie even though my kids are all adults and out on their own.

    Clearly Auggie,(Awwww), hadn't grown into his paws yet.

    I'm wondering if you had a cape on when this picture was taken. I sense he is thinking, "Oh crap, she's got that stupid cape on. I'll have to run until I'm out of breath again."

  12. I think those are some of the most beautiful teeth I've ever seen. I'm sure there are some dental fans who would pay good money for those prints.

  13. At least now you can be identified by your photos if you ever run so fast you catch on fire or something.


  14. your dog is so cute, but I thought those photos are of your teeth...xrays?

  15. No way!!! haahah I love it!!

    +following and supporting

  16. Guess what! I also once had an overweight cocker spaniel! It's true! He weighed about 55 pounds and his name was Joey. How I loved him . . .

  17. You certainly don't look fat, maybe just a little pasty white.

    I love, love, love your stories. They make me realize how much of the same kind of funny we are.

    "Then again, I was also the kid who peed in a heater vent."

    What an utterly brilliant line.

    And your Superdog looks as curvy as my Bella. She's been packing on the pounds the past year, probably still depressed over having five kids. We're merciless, saying things like, "Come on Fatty. Wanna go for a walk? You could stand to lose a few lb's."

    Sadly, she can outrun me by miles.

    And I also wanted to say, I'm so glad I've won you over to U2 through the posting of my videos. I've got a lot more of those coming. I've got a special one coming up that I witnessed at Nashville that will seal the deal for you. I'll shout you out, when I post it.

  18. Oh you're a funny girl. I thought I was going to be the next Nadia Comanesch (sp?). Mostly because I really really like gymnastics and could totally stick my round off landing. Hands in the air all ballerina pointy and everything.
    So, how did you convince the photographer to give you copies of those sweet pics?

  19. You don't look fat at all! In fact, it's clearly obvious that you don't eat a lot of sweets.

    Love the superdog!

    Peed in the heater? Oh yeah, I need to hear that story.

  20. Kathy: As my husband and I were leaving the dentist's office a few weeks ago, he stopped at the reception desk and said he was getting his xrays emailed to him. I was like, what do you need those for? And then he went on and on about how cool it was and by the end of his rant I asked to have mine emailed along with his. I didn't even know they did that!

  21. Four Superman movies in one sitting? I'd rather be in the snow haha.

  22. You. Are. Freaking. Hilarious.

    That's all.

  23. Don't sit there and try to tell me that dog doesn't have superhuman speed. Stop selling yourself short.


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