Let's go back to the time when I had raccoons living under my mobile home as a teenager.
was about 17, still driving Ford Escort #1, and I was leaving my sister
Christy's house late one night after what I am sure was a riveting
evening of playing Crash Bandicoot. Immediately after getting into my
car, I smelled something rancid. There were some kids playing outside
and since my windows had been rolled down I wondered if maybe they had
thrown something dead into my car to mess with me. I didn't want them
to have the satisfaction of seeing me freak out (spoiler alert, they did
not put anything in my car), so I stopped around the corner, and pulled
the driver's seat forward. And then, AND THEN, I remembered.
earlier I had purchased a bottle of chocolate milk and didn't finish
all of it. I threw it behind the driver's seat. Before long... well.
Time makes fools of us all.
Apparently the mystical
chocolate milk gasses had built up and blown the cap from the top of the
bottle. There was this thick, horrifying brown sludge-like mess on my
back window and it had covered the floor of the driver's side back seat.
where the story kind of fizzles out, with me gagging while scraping out
the mire that once was chocolate milk, meanwhile trying to avoid the
giant raccoon that lived under my neighbor's house.
So here's a video that my dad, Mark, made. Oh calm down, it's only 33 seconds.