Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Why is there yogurt in this hat?

Let's go back to the time when I had raccoons living under my mobile home as a teenager.

I was about 17, still driving Ford Escort #1, and I was leaving my sister Christy's house late one night after what I am sure was a riveting evening of playing Crash Bandicoot.  Immediately after getting into my car, I smelled something rancid.  There were some kids playing outside and since my windows had been rolled down I wondered if maybe they had thrown something dead into my car to mess with me.  I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me freak out (spoiler alert, they did not put anything in my car), so I stopped around the corner, and pulled the driver's seat forward.  And then, AND THEN, I remembered.

Weeks earlier I had purchased a bottle of chocolate milk and didn't finish all of it.  I threw it behind the driver's seat.  Before long... well.  Time makes fools of us all.

Apparently the mystical chocolate milk gasses had built up and blown the cap from the top of the bottle.  There was this thick, horrifying brown sludge-like mess on my back window and it had covered the floor of the driver's side back seat.

Here's where the story kind of fizzles out, with me gagging while scraping out the mire that once was chocolate milk, meanwhile trying to avoid the giant raccoon that lived under my neighbor's house.

So here's a video that my dad, Mark, made.  Oh calm down, it's only 33 seconds.


  1. This was so funny and I can definitely relate! My daughter left a banana in the little plastic door pocket in the backseat.For weeks, apparently. It reeks. The banana rottedness was disposed of and the little pocket thingy wiped down but my car still stinks of banana-sweet-rottedness. It's gross.

    A couple of years ago I had gone to the grocery store where I bought a gallon of milk...which leaked onto the carpet in the back of my (then) minivan. We wiped it up and shampooed the carpet but it was summer and....well, that rotten milk smell never really did go away. Ugh.

    LOVED your dad's video!

  2. gross gross gross.

    i actually know a few people with this sort of disgusting milk neglect ... my best friend has a similar story.

    excuse me while i go puke. blech.

  3. This reminds me of the story about my cousin who will remain nameless that had a piece of play-dough lodged in her nose which began to stink so bad her mom took her to the doctors to find out why she smelled so bad.

  4. See, I can't handle that stuff. I would have tried to throw the car away. One time my husband came in from taking the trash out and he was holding a GROSS pyrex dish, covered in mold. He was like, "Are you throwing this away instead of washing it?" and I was like, "Noooooooooomaybe"
    So, um, that was embarrassing for me at least.

  5. p.s. my dad's name is mark too!

    p.p.s. Soylent green is PEOPLE?! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

  6. Wow, umm... ergh. Wish I hadn't just had lunch...

  7. Ground meat. Trunk. Summer.
    I'll take your chocolate milk any day.


  8. Urp. Gag. Braaaaack.

    Me? I'm fine. Green? Burp.

  9. Catering by Burger King made me pee a little.

  10. I can't believe you didn't finish your chocolate milk!

  11. That sounds nasty, must have smelled for ages.

  12. I'm with the ostrich lady, I would have thrown the whole car away. I would tell my husband that I "lost" it and he would just have to get me another. Because... EW.

    I like your new banner!

  13. Indeed, time does make fools of us all. As sure as milk gases build.

    Your dad is full of win.

  14. the curdled chocolate milk.
    But hurray to your dad! A star I tell ya!

  15. Here from Mommie Dearest and excited to be your newest follower.

  16. I love your dad. So much. You can tell him I said so.

    That story horrified me. Because I don't think there's much worse in the world than rancid weeks old milk. My friend had a gallon of milk break in her car one time and she could not get that nastiness completely out, no matter how hard she scrubbed. Compound this with Florida heat. She ended up just selling her car. Sometimes the milk wins.

  17. Those segues of yours... how do you do it?? From chocolate milk to planet of the apes... no one else but you could make that connection and get away with it...


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