Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Peeter vent.

I figure it's time to talk about me peeing in a heater vent.  I've mentioned it a few times, but haven't told the story because I don't think it's that interesting anymore.  But I have been telling it for a long time.

From what I remember, this particular not-so-shining-moment in my life came about around the age of 8.  Something happened, however (namely extreme embarrassment and shame), and I didn't think about it again until I was 18.  Enter: Ms. Larsen's English class.

Sometimes in Ms. Larsen's class we had to sit in the front and give a speech, and by speech I mean talk about whatever we wanted to for 5 minutes.  During what I am sure was one of my many riveting speeches, I remembered this story out of the blue.

When I was 8, I got to move into my brother's old bedroom after he moved out.  My mother may tell me that this is wrong and correct me, because I don't remember this very well.  I actually don't remember much, if we're going to nitpick.  The timeline adds up though.

Since you may be wondering this later, the bedroom was literally right next to the bathroom.  There was a heater vent in the floor, and occasionally I would remove the vent and pull out the crap that had fallen in there.  Hair clips, army men, those type of things. 

One day I decided to pee in it.

I can't say for sure, but I do remember peeing in it a couple of times, perhaps multiple times that same day or over a couple of days.  I suppose the number of offenses doesn't matter after the first one.  An unknown amount of time later, my mother turned on the heater.

The house, of course, reeked of urine.  Apparently after doing some investigating my dad asked me, "Did you pee in the heater vent?" and I said yes.  He was so caught off guard that I did that, it being so bizarre and me so readily owning up to it, that I don't think I got in trouble.

(My sad little mind had changed the story over the years, and I thought I had blamed it on my sister's cat Sarah and that she wasn't allowed inside anymore. I figured I should add that since this is what I actually told my English class before I was corrected by my sister later when this was the only thing I talked about for 6 months.)

During the uproarious laughter in the classroom (which I'm sure is what was happening), someone asked me how old I was when this happened because I hadn't said it yet.  Jokingly, I said, "16."  Laughter, laughter.  "Just kidding, I was like 8."

Lucky for me, NOBODY HEARD THAT LAST PART.  Class was dismissed and people started saying things like, "You peed in a heater vent like two years ago??" "Hey Katie, we closed off all the heaters in the hall so you could come to the dance on Friday."

Anyway, here's a picture of me and my neice on Thanksgiving.  I told her to put her hands in her lap and look awkward.

I'm thankful for Jesse, my friends and family, my job, crafting, Christmas, Legally Blonde, and that I'm not in prison.  Also that I kicked that habit of peeing in heater vents, and that you read my blog to hear such bizarre childhood stories.



  1. pretty much the best story ever. You are a big bundle of incontinent sunshine.

  2. oh my goodness. i don't know whether to laugh or pray to God that my child doesn't do that. what did your parents do to get rid of the urine smell?? lol. kids these days.

  3. Oh Katie.... it's times like these that I remember just how awesome you are.

  4. I'm thankful for Katie, our kitty and that he is the only one that uses his litter box.

  5. Bahahaha! Too funny. But if your room was right beside the bathroom... Oh, never mind. I did a bunch of inexplicably odd things as a child too. That's why I never had one of my own. God gets you back for stuff like that.

  6. Oh my. Kids do weird stuff. Especially girls, I think, which makes me nervous, because my Clementine is a Wild Orange.

  7. poor cats get blamed for so much! Suki's best moment was when she actually DID something very naughty... my sister used to keep newspaper cuttings under her bed and one day I heard this DOOOOOH!!!! coming from her room... she'd just discovered that Suki had got under there and shredded all the paper to make a little nest for herself.
    Suki was never allowed in that room ever again. Haha...
    I didn't realise the name meant "beloved", I named her Suki because it sounded Japanese and I'd just started learning Japanese... and then it turns out to mean "like" or "love" in Japanese! What a coincidence...

  8. Coming here is like a slumber party, a good one, where there are no mean girls and everyone just stays up all night and there is laughter, the kind that is so hard, it hurts your stomach. Yeah, that's what coming here is like.

    That is so utterly hilarious, I cannot tell you.

    Those are nice things to be thankful for, well, except for the crafting. I am NOT thankful for crafting.

    And thank you for your comments on my girl. She is lovely, isn't she? it used to drive my sister crazy whenever we were out in public and my daughter was a baby. My girl was so gorgeous, we were constantly stopped by people, exclaiming how pretty she was and then...they'd touch her, her cheeks, her head, whatever. The point is, they all felt the need to touch her. My sister finally erupted one day on some poor, sweet old lady, yelling, "STOP TOUCHING THE BABY! GOD!"

    Okay, thanks for the partay. It was splendid as usual.

  9. Hey! Can we call you our little PeeNut, now?

  10. You did try to blame it on the cat. Since the cat was not allowed in the house, it was a pretty lame excuse. AND, how can you get mad at someone who cops out so quickly to peeing in a heater vent?

    Not guilty - by reason of insanity.

  11. Ha! That's awesome! Sounds like the time I put vaseline in my hair, and said I didn't. Whoops. Not nearly as stinky, but still.

  12. One day I decided to pee in it. That is the single most awesome line in the world. The urine smell? Not so awesome.


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